Accepting life after DBT!

I cannot believe that it has been almost a year since I began DBT skills training, and so much has changed…

I was lost, my marriage was failing apart because of my behaviour and it was questionable about how far my self harm would have gone and if I would have been successful in ending my life.

DBT was my last hope, my only hope, even though I was sceptical about the whole endeavour and to what level it would help. But I was desperate, wanting to not feel the way I was – lost and out of control. My emotions were ruling my behaviour and I felt out of control and unable to comprehend my true feelings.

So what has happened and what has changed:

  • I have not hurt myself since October 2012
  • I have recognised that emotions have a role to play and that getting rid of them is not a solution
  • Anger is not the only emotion
  • My emotions are my own and I will own them and know where they have come from
  • How to communicate my needs and wants to others through improving my interpersonal effective skills
  • The ability to identify the real ‘primary emotion’
  • How to tolerate distress

These skills have been invaluable since my diagnosis of MS.

On the 18th December 2013 I was diagnosed – Merry Christmas to me!! MRI’s, blood tests and starting drug treatment in January, which would involve a day stay in Hospital.

I am now taking Gilenya, a drug that suppresses the immune system to reduce the frequency of attacks by up to 50%.

On the 23rd December I went on holiday to Fiji and was able to spend a lot of time thinking, being mindful and looking inside about how I was really feeling. MS is a chronic illness and they are making advances all the time but something that is difficult to handle is that others try to be reassuring. Telling me about their friends with MS and how they are dealing with the disease. Everyone is different, the progression of the disease is different and treatment is different.

I like to think that MS is not the end of the world I shall continue to fight and treat myself with compassion as and when my body has other ideas. I am not going to give in.

This diagnosis has turned my life upside down, it is resulting in me needing to move closer to Sydney, the potential that I would not be allowed to stay in Australia and a very high possibility of another move back to the UK.

Thank goodness for DBT otherwise I don’t think I would be coping right now.

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3 responses to “Accepting life after DBT!

  1. I’m getting ready to start DBT in March when the next session starts. I sure hope I have results like you got. Congrats and keep up the good work.:)

    • Sorry for such a late reply – good luck with your DBT training. It always seems to start slow and then gets better. I hope you are feeling better about life and I wish you all the best. 🙂

  2. No worries. We reply when we are able, right? We never know what to expect from one day to the next, as to what our bodies have in store for us. I am getting some very good information in DBT group, and when I apply those skills, I do much better. I know it can take up to 3 years, I was told. I’ll be to every meeting possible. I’m already showing some real improvement in some areas. I just had a feeding tube surgically implanted into my abdomen, with complications, of course. But, that too, I will beat. Are you currently still in DBT? The way I feel about life varies from day to day, as I’m sure it does for you, as well, but I was having more “better” days than “bad” before I had this surgery on July 18th, but I’m a fighter, and this too, I shall beat, to put it politely. Thank you for your kind words and I hope you are still doing well with the skills you are learning or have already learned. It is some amazing “stuff.” Have a great day, my friend. Although bittersweet, it’s nice to know I don’t walk this journey alone. It’s nice to know that someone else truly understands what we go through. I’m glad our paths have crossed and hope we can keep in touch.. Peace out,
    Tammy 🙂

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