I get knocked down, but I get up again

Life has been so busy recently that I have found it hard to make time to write. But this week everything is back in perspective … with a huge big smack in the teeth. They think I have Multiple Sclerosis. For just over a week I have been feeling numbness in most of my body from the neck down and I have had no loss of strength in my arms or legs.

Multiple Sclerosis is a disease of the central nervous system, where the immune system begins to attack the myelin sheath of neurones in the brain and spinal cord.  This causes lesions on the brain and symptoms including numbness and tingling, visual disturbances (double vision etc.) extreme fatigue and issues with mood, and mental health – not that I need more problems associated with my mood!

Nerve axon with myelin sheath

Nerve axon with myelin sheath (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Self-created from an MRI scan of my o...

English: Self-created from an MRI scan of my own brain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The first stages if diagnosis are for multiple blood tests and a brain MRI, which I had Monday 18th November.

On Tuesday I got the results …

Good news most of my bloods where normal even though the vein that was found in my left arm was hit twice with a needle!

Good news – I have a brain and I have some very pretty pictures to prove it!

Bad news is that the scan was abnormal, the scan showed multiple lesions in the juxtacortical white matter of the brain with Dawson fingers evident – which is indicative of MS (I spent some time looking for other options, differential diagnosis associated with these findings but alas it is looking to more likely be MS and as a result of the associated symptoms.

I have been referred to a specialist but there is a four month waiting list 😦  in the mean time I will get a second opinion regardless and see what happens.

I don’t think there is any point in thinking that the diagnosis is wrong, it is what it is. I have had to radically accept the situation I find myself in, and use all the skills that I have learnt thanks to DBT. I find I have to constantly turn my mind when it gets carried away and stuck in the emotional whirl wind that occurs with all the unknowns.

I am scared and sad by the situation I find myself in and this is something that I would not have acknowledged a year ago. I await for the symptoms to subside and think about about my health and can think of two other possible attacks. So the pieces are fitting into place. It also explains my constant exhaustion which I would just think I was weak and lazy – but I guess not.

All I can say is onwards …. and I get knocked down but I get up again your never going to keep me down (been stuck in my head all week!)


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