All was going so well … until it wasn’t!

So here it is a day when things did not go well and I am feeling crap about myself because I am judging myself and thinking about the stupidity I displayed today.

An issue at work had arisen and I needed to somehow fix it but because I was having “one of those days” all the hard work and skills I have been developing decided that they were going to have a holiday and leave me just when I could have done with them!!

So I need to unpick the situation and see where it all fell apart.

I needed something from my boss and the finance person at work – I did not know what to do or how to fix the problem (well I did I just had a failing of self-confidence and self-worth to actually be effective) so I spoke to my work colleagues and got a bit of a boost from them to help me.

I have blown through my works internet by doing my job – I updated our website to a new website.

I was asked not to do any more updates to it otherwise we would go over it.  So I stopped.

However I needed to do a lot of updates which  would mean adding pages, playing with structure and content and therefore technically doing what I had been asked not too. So what do you do … I was asked not to update the website (the website is pretty much done) but adding this new content would have caused work to go over their internet plan.  Either way I would I would be in trouble – do the updates that I needed to do online and go over the limit or not do them and cause people to get angry at me.

I got the outcome I needed to do my job, using internet on a 4g wifi plan but I felt like complete rubbish as a result.

Why you ask:

Well …

  1. I could not handle it this myself making me question my abilities at being a normal human being, telling myself I was stupid, useless, not able to cope, a child and the list continued
  2. I felt guilt  for including someone else due to my inadequacy and inability to deal with the situation
  3. I cried – I tried to tolerate it but I failed
  4. Leading to anger and more annoyance and more judgments
  5. I tried some distress tolerance – it made it possible for me to tolerate just

But this is an improvement to previous ways of handling a situation like this …

The crying was not as intense and ended sooner.  I did not harm myself, I did not get angry and I did not raise my voice

So why do I still feel so crap?


2 responses to “All was going so well … until it wasn’t!

  1. Hey, you were hard on yourself today, but look at the great strides you have made lately. Its a blip for you, and you are learning from it otherwise you wouldn’t have written about it and unpicked it.
    And you know what? Work is work. It’s not life. The challenge for us is not to let our work rule our lives. Even though we do get a lot of identity from our work. Urgh, I don’t think I make any sense. But keep travelling along in this direction- you’re doing great.

  2. There are many types of situations I can’t handle. Don’t feel bad because you ran across one. That’s the reason I’m in a job that’s lower paying – because I can handle the stress load. Take care.

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