I was unhappy, I think I have always been unhappy but it pained my husband to see me like this and he wanted to be my knight in shining armour and save me.
He came out to Australia – abandoning me for four months whilst I remained in Canterbury working on my PhD and lecturing at University. Playing into my fears and anxieties of being alone, which was not his fault, he did not really know as I did not tell him, he could never now what I was thinking because I tired to hide everything from him.
The Situation, Husband has an opportunity to go to Australia to work on his PhD.
Me: You should apply, I don’t want to be in the way and hold you back from an opportunity like this
Me Reality: Please don’t leave me, I can not cope without you, I don’t want you to leave, I don’t want to feel guilty about not wanting him to go.
What happened: he applied and was successful and so disappeared for 4 months to Australia.
My Reaction: Anger, underlying emotions: guilt and sadness
But I survived, I made it through on my own, still angry and annoyed that he left me, sad that I could not tell him what I needed or wanted but I survived.
During his time away he got it into his head that he needed to save me from the stress of my job and that we could do that in Australia… so on his return we packed up our flat in Canterbury and moved to Newcastle, NSW in six weeks.
He had a job and I moved to nothing leaving me with my thoughts all day every day – that is when the walls came tumbling down.