It is all to often a split second before my emotions take over and there is no way to rain them back in. Reasonable mind and wise mind make this made dash to safety and jump out the window to save themselves!
But how can I pin point the beginning of the downward spiral? Before I am trapped and unable to fight.
It is easy to reflect, look back, and unpick the situation – sometimes I can do this on my own but at the moment I need help, a facilitator and my therapist has been doing this. But she is not there all the time and I need to become capable.
I think I am putting way to much pressure on myself – I know that I am but I want to be “normal” but without the pressure I question whether I will succeed. This is an old coping mechanism, a way I have survived, the intense level of responsibility for not only myself, because I felt no one else really did that, but for the entire world.
Growing up so fast to be the responsible one was tough and has screwed me over, there are other things that have contributed to this but this is pretty huge.
So I shall continue to work, and I think it is an achievement in itself to actually be able to identify the point it goes downhill and that is something I really need to cling onto and be proud. I am getting better and should feel good. But yet I can’t. I need to grow my self respect.
fed up of the crazy 
Reblogged this on MAKE BPD STIGMA-FREE!.
Thanks for the reblog 🙂
Great post. something I can relate to. I just wrote a post about something like this on saturday titled, “Not Again, not again, not again”. After the series of events for me saturday, I found myself in the bookstore and I found an incredible bok called, “Boundaries” By Dr. Henry Claude and Dr. John Townsend. Very Good it helped to put a lot of things into perspective for me and helped me to understand what happens to me. I’m not done the book yet nut I cannot seem to put it down.
I get very disappointed in myself when I come back to a place of “losing” it. especially after all the work I’ve been doing about my past issues etc… We gotta be gentle with ourselves and give ourselves a break. One day at a time. Ugh 🙂
PS- Please check out my post, “I’ve been nominated”, I nominated you for the Liebster award. (didn’t know how to send the nominee, hahaha)
Thanks for this post, it was very good 🙂
Ps I am pretty new at this – what is a Liebster and how do I return the favour 🙂
I’m new at it too. I wasn’t sure what to do either!! hahaha
If you check my post titled I’ve been nominated it explains it there. That’s how I went through it, from the blog site that nominated me 🙂
Hope that helps.
Love your posts btw 🙂
Howdy, I nominated you for this award 🙂
http://teenmombloggers.com/2013/05/19/another-nomination-for-moi-d/