Life seems to be a whole host of different labels that are put on people to try and order the chaos:
- Anxiety Disorder
- Bi Polar (BP)
But who are these labels really for, the individual who has been labeled or the world that wants to put things and people into nice neat boxes because they will cause the world to spontaneously combust otherwise.
So I find myself asking the question: Has yet another label helped or hindered my acceptance of who I am?
One of the major issues with someone with BPD is an unstable self-image, who am I and what do I really believe in?
Most of the time it changes depending on who I am with at the time and can flip flop in a conversation! The diagnosis of BPD at least is something that I have been told I have by someone who has a speciality and is more knowledgable than I. So in some ways it gives me something to cling onto.
I am a borderline. On the other hand, this new label could be detrimental if I start to use it as an excuse to my behaviour and the way that I am.
Yes, having BPD sucks, I have problems regulating my mood and emotions and I get angry and frustrated quickly. But would I change it, probably not because I would be scared about what else I might loose. My husband describes me as being able to bring out the best in him, hard working, determined, stubborn (which sometimes is a negative!), willing to please others to my own determent and loving. However he is also the one who receives the anger and rage which is directed at the world but has a nasty habit of erupting in his direction. I will never understand why he stays with me maybe he is a fool (something my psychologist asked me in my first session) or maybe he feels that the good can outweigh the bad.
I am who I am and I am fighting to change the bad without loosing the good that others see in me. I will succeed it is not a nice smooth linear process and I quickly get frustrated with myself due to the slow progress I feel I am making. But we are all our worst critics! People insist that I have and are showing continual improvement. So I have to work on seeing those changes too.
- Finally, research proves BPD brains are wired to ‘feel it all’ (prideinmadness.wordpress.com)
- Pick a Label, Any Label (asearchforsanity.wordpress.com)